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Written by Tancred
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Sunday, 05 August 2007 |
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Page 5 of 6
Tancred Beerswiller
Dear Tancred,
Last year at Warbands, I developed a cunning plan to force our way into the court yard. Unfortunately my subordinates failed to carry it through with enough resolve and they died like the dogs they were. How can I make sure it doesn't happen again.
Yours Dejected.
Dear Arafel,
Stop whining, bring up your biggest warshields, your strongest fighters and charge straight through the defenders Show no mercy, kill them all. Slaughter their sons unto the seventh generation. Only then will you wipe out the sin of last years defeat.
Tancred
Dear Tancred,
In my job as master of the toilets, I become privy to certain pieces of information not all of which I understand. What is a squirrel box ?
Yours Lonely
Dear Lonely,
Idiot, clean your ears out next time, it's a squire square. It is the unofficial name given to a group of these individuals when they get together to discuss their pet ki-ni-gets. Which Ki-ni-get is the fastest, tallest, heaviest, loudest, drunkest, thickest and most embarrassing. It serves no useful purpose but makes them feel important.
Tancred
Dear Tancred,
I am about to launch a surprise attack on a castle in the North of Scotland. However I seem to have misplaced my siege engines. What should I do.
Yours, Three Feathers de Lacy.
Dear Earl Michael,
Trying to get custom built siege engines at such short notice maybe a bit expensive. I suggest contacting either "Mangonels and Fundae Incorporated or Incendiaries, Keeps, Engines and Arquebus of Nordmark. They both do a nice range of build it yourself kits. Ideal for those on a limited budget.
Tancred
Dear Tancred
I appear to have an unsightly growth on my nether regions. Should I be concerned.
The Racoon.
Dearest friend,
The growth you speak of is an Aethstan, hairy and a little soft round the edges. I suggest a bout of heavy drinking to deaden the pain. Then get a friend to drive the infection away with a red hot poker.
Tancred
Dear Tancred,
I am new to Edinburgh and was hoping to join the Shire. They seem a pretty friendly bunch but I do have one question. Will they accept me for who I am. Or will I have to grow a beard.
Yours Alfred
Dear Newbie,
In general it is preferred that ladies are clean shaven, although this is not compulsory. All male members of the shire are expected to have facial hair of some description. The only person who doesn't is Padrig de Courcy, but he looks like a girlie. I recommend that you grow a beard capable of hiding a couple of small rodents. Being follically challenged does not make you a bad person, but you should be aware that you will be the object of ridicule and destined to a life of servitude.
Tancred
Dear Tancred,
I have been a heavy fighter in Drachenwald since its inception. I now feel that I need a change of pace. I am a bit unsteady on my feet, my eye sight is going and my reactions are not what they once were. Can you suggest an aspect of the SCA that someone in their dotage could take an active part in.
Yours Anon.
Dear Anon,
I thought of dancing, but you're a bit shaky on your feet and your reactions are slow. Then I thought perhaps illumination, or costuming but your eye sight is pretty poor. Finally it came to me, fencing. I have even heard that the academy will soon be running a class in Rapier and zimmer.
Tancred
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Last Updated ( Sunday, 05 August 2007 )
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